The Power of Quiet: An Overlooked Divorce Strategy

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A divorce has many aspects to it – emotional, financial, relational, legal and others.  And everyone going through a divorce must think about strategies for handling these aspects.  But there’s one divorce strategy that is frequently overlooked by people — the strategy of getting quiet.

What getting quiet looks like

Getting quiet may sound counter-intuitive when we are often told to advocate for ourselves and speak up. So, let’s go through what getting quiet in a divorce looks like and how it can be beneficial.

  • Not retaliating:  As tempting as it may be, quiet the voice in your head that wants to strike back. Revenge sounds better than it will feel and depending on the nature of the revenge, you could get into bigger trouble with your soon-to-be ex or a judge presiding over your case.
  • Listening more:  Talking about your feelings, concerns and questions is important but being quiet so you can listen to and follow the advice of trusted advisors like your lawyer or therapist is equally important.
  • Preserving energy:  Hush the zillion things in your mind that you think you must do. Turn down the volume on people who drain your energy.  Going through a divorce requires pacing and preservation of oneself. 
  • Reflect then decide:  Divorce necessitates a lot of decisions.Silence the rush to decide and take time to thoughtfully consider options, opinions from trusted advisors and your own feelings about an issue before you decide.
  • Pausing social media:  Quiet your social media activity. Limit scrolling. Avoid the comparison game with everyone else’s posts and be mindful of what you post to your own feed. You never know who might be trolling your activity.


Divorce is without a doubt one of the most difficult experiences a person has. Having strategies to employ when an aspect escalates is key to surviving and prevailing. Remember that sometimes the most powerful strategy is silence. If you want to read more about divorce strategies or need some encouragement along the way, consider picking up one of my books here. 

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