Feelings are inevitable going through such a life-changing process, it’s the feelings you choose to keep around that will make the long-term impact!
It almost goes unsaid how many emotions you may experience during a divorce. Whether the divorce was expected or not, you have so many different variables that affect this life-altering moment.
As a divorce attorney for over 20 years, I’ve dealt with thousands of cases, and unfortunately, the ones that allow their emotions…especially the negative ones to take over, can truly impact the case for the negative as well.
Now, it’s important for me to say that I’m not saying you can’t feel the negative emotions… feel the heck out of them…but realize that they do not and should not define you, your actions and how you decide to move forward. Below are some tips that will help you with this during your divorce.
- Creating or keeping healthy boundaries can be very helpful to anyone especially those grappling with emotions and loss.
When sadness, anxiety, or uncertainty feel like they will swallow you whole, wouldn’t a dividing line that creates some separation from the emotion, situation, or contributor be a relief?
“We can’t avoid pain and hurt but we can create boundaries to help us get through these times.”
Here are a few suggestions for how:
- Schedule a time each day to specifically think about or tend to the situation causing you stress or upset
- Redirect communication from those who increase negativity for you. If you walk away from a conversation feeling negative emotions, that might not be the best person to have conversations with, re-direct that communication.
2) Turn to gratitude. It can be difficult during dark or sad times to appreciate what we do have.
The silver lining and bright side are hard to grasp when we feel low. Yet, this is when we should count our blessings the most. This directive – count your blessings – is included in the second book I wrote, Bits of Divorce Wisdom.
“Appreciating as much as we can, shifts our outlook for the better while also making sure we don’t let our other emotions take over.”
3) Find healthier ways to re-direct your emotions
It’s normal to feel angry or sad in divorce. Yet, allowing these emotions to take over could only end up hurting your divorce case instead of helping. Unfortunately, I’ve seen it many times where a client is too paralyzed by emotions to participate in the process or too angry to think rationally about decisions that impact their life.
If you’re feeling angry or sad, take a moment to open the door to that emotion that you are feeling, recognize it as sadness, frustration, anger…and then let it walk out the back door. Re-direct that feeling by doing things like:
- Moving your body each day. Take a walk. Stretch. Workout virtually. Many fitness facilities and personal trainers are offering online programs right now.
- Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself and recognize that this feeling is ok. Repeat.
- Connect with friends daily by phone, videoconferencing or text.
- Listen to music – upbeat songs that make you smile and want to sing.
- Make sleep a priority.
- Journal. Write out affirmations for yourself. Set a daily intention.
At the end of the day, do you want to walk away from your divorce feeling defeated from all of the negative emotions that you let take over? Or do you want to feel empowered knowing that you were able to think clearly and make intentional decisions? This is a new chapter in your life that you want to start on the right foot, and I am here to make sure that happens.