It’s a New Year and we tend to set new goals, achievements, and improvements when it comes around. We look at New Year’s Eve as not only a celebration of the year, but a chance for a fresh start. And so, it seems only fitting to talk about goals during divorce.
As we know, divorce brings out a lot of emotions and decisions. There could be hundreds of thoughts, questions, concerns, ideas swimming around in your head; coupled with intense emotions and a lot of uncertainty.
With all the head-swimming, it’s important to get clear on your goals at the very start. When you identify your goals for divorce, you make decisions on what is important to you.
So, what is a goal? A goal is something you want to achieve, be or feel. Goals are specific to you or personal to you.
Take that basic definition and apply it to your own circumstances. Identifying your goals for the divorce process and where you want to be after the divorce is powerful and helpful.
To get started, ask yourself “what are my goals for the divorce process itself?”. An example may be “I want to get through my divorce peacefully.” Then, ask yourself “what are my goals for where I want to be after the divorce is over?”. An example for this may be “I want to feel stable and secure.”
You’ll most likely end up with a few different answers to these questions, and next you can prioritize your goals. Consider which goals are most important to you. This may help you when you are grappling with a tough decision or feeling. Ask yourself the following questions to help you become clear on what matters most:
- Will this goal matter to me in 5, 10 or 20 years?
- Would I consider this goal to be legitimate if my spouse had it?
- Is it possible to achieve this goal in the divorce process?
- Is this goal really a position?
- Am I willing to make a sacrifice to achieve this goal?
Goals are not static. You can revise them, tweak them, and change them. Regularly review, update, and prioritize your goals throughout the divorce process.
Goals are your guideposts – knowing and defining your goals now will help you in the divorce process, as well as help determine what kind of divorce you want to have and what you want your future to look like after the divorce.